I was speaking to my friend Temisan on her birthday a few days ago and somehow we got talking about marriage; we talked about the bad, the good and how to make sure you get more good out of your marriage. Here's a summary of our discussion (she's been married 5 years now so she's more advanced in the ministry than I am) :

We talked about how important the fear of God is and even though this sounds very cliche you cannot underestimate how relevant this is for your marriage. Your husband/wife is a human being at the end of the day, so don't think your handsomeness/beauty, money, influence, good manners, respect and submission can keep them faithful and happy. Only God can. If they have the fear of God it will be difficult to do certain things and to think they can get away with it because of the God-foundation. 

Next is friendship, it is a more enjoyable marriage when you marry your best friend. Marriage is a forever thing so you may as well go the distance with someone you enjoy their company. On some days you are lovers, on other days you are like siblings and on some days you are best friends. Friendship is so important because it builds love. 

I ask her how far love na? She said "love need to dey". Love is the deeper part of the friendship, try to think about it as the glue that binds a couple together. Love renews the friendship. Even the Bible says love covers multitude of sins, it is love that will make you forgive when offended it will make you kind, it is patient, is is not proud (so can say sorry).

It is healthy to show appreciation to your partner in any way you can. You can give gifts (it doesn't have to be birthdays/anniversary),  you can give loving words of encouragement, like "thank you darling for helping me..." "I appreciate that you try to make dinner..." "I just thank God I married you...", sweet words like that can go a long way! 

Please communicate and it is not as easy as saying "hello, hi". Speak, listen, understand! Don't expect your partner to be a mind reader. If you feel there's an issue that needs to be sorted, talk about it, Don't keep things inside, it will make you nurse bad feelings and will destroy the friendship in your marriage.

I didn't expect the conversation to end without talking about R-E-S-P-E-C-T! "Men eat respect", she says. Respect feeds their ego, don't puncture it. Always boost your partner. Don't talk your husband/wife down. don't make them feel unimportant. help him/her achieve their dreams. You should be their number one cheerleader!

For Misan,  not sleeping on your anger has helped a lot in her marriage, in fact, this is koko! Don't keep things till the next day-make the decision not to carryover anger, no malice (I mean, this should be your best friend!). Don't let quarrels linger (you will have them), if you let it, small things will start escalating. 

We talked about more and I'm glad she shared these wise words with me. I know I have a lot of married people that read my blog, so please let me know what has helped your marriage so far...


  1. thanks for this sisi yemi. i will also like to add that couples should learn to say please, sorry and thank you, men especially. I am a man and i dont find it easy saying sorry especially, but i have had to learn it. it is such a soothing word and it does the magic most of the time. No matter how heated the argument, my wife just calms down whenever she hears it.

  2. She really nailed it. The tips are great. God bless our homes.

  3. Very important tips especially the one about men feeding off respect.I posted tips my husband and I shared on my blog some time ago.You can check them out ;-)

  4. These points are so true. I have been married for 6 years and this is what I have learnt so far- no need to sweat the little things. I don't have to fight over everything I don't approve of. I have learnt to let go. I have learned to fight more on my knees. Instead of spending precious time arguing, I'll rather spend that time talking with God. Marriage is an interesting journey.

    Precious Core Blog

  5. Not going to bed upset is definitely something I am working on. Going to bed mad helps sometimes sha. I don't say things in the heat of the moment. I go to sleep and I am way calmer in the morning. I guess learn how to pick the right battle at the right time.


  6. I have to say the Malice part is so crucial..been married for about 5 months now and we both decided that since it was no longer a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, the whole not speaking to each other for days after a fight was just not worth it....trust me sometimes it just so difficult...but you have to keep in mind that since this is your partner for life...you might as well end the fight as soon as possible and not waste precious moments in time not talking to each other.

  7. Absolutely! Sisi, very well spoken.

  8. nice one sisi,thanks for sharing with us.

  9. What do you do with a man speaks to u like rubbish tells his 5 year old son that he can't stand him, sleeps with ashawos, has no manners and is constantly rude to u ....

    1. Go to God.....Pray and be very Patient!

    2. Wouldn't that tantamount to an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship? I guess the question is how long has this been going on? Either way it can't be helpful for the wife or son's mental psyche...

  10. I have seen men who like to keep malice ranging from 1 - 4 weeks and to them they will say they just want to keep to themself.

  11. I have seen men who to them malice is nothing and can keep that malice for the next 1 - 4 weeks.

  12. nice one sisi yemi this is an interesting topic which one should always have in mind.
    Good job, you can also check my blog for tips on how to spice up your marriage even after birth. hermaze.com/category/relationship/

  13. One of the most important aspects of any engagement or wedding is photography because this is the way this very special day will be recorded. discover this


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