I woke up, took a fast shower and dressed up (one of the few times I find a dress asap without going thru a crisis and that’s because I’ve arranged the dress like one week ago.) Well I sit and I wait for the cab that is supposed to arrive 5 am on the dot.
Why has this taxi man not come now? I just siddon dey vex with myself, and I’m ranting and getting nervous like, if this man make me miss my flight, wo! What I will do to him he will never forget- ahn ahn...he’s 30 mins late. I no wan reach road and then one nonsense hold up go delay me oh...i kept thinking of lagos traffic and my anger dey gain momentum-my lipstic don clean and i don don dey sweat for d cold weather-. Oya i called taxi man n he goes “im on the A-13 road, i’ll soon be there”....who cares????if you like be on d A-finish that’s not my consine, you’re supposed to be here!!!! All I could think of is why can’t I just teleport???
Taximan finally shows up and off we go. Since the trip to the airport was going to be an hour long I had already preplanned to complete my sleep on my way, so I settled in comfortably and closed my eyes. Taxi man apparently wanted to gist and he kept asking me about 9ja and if Lagos is still the way he left it 25 years ago – he mentioned names of places he used to visit and I’m thinking to myself how can I sleep now? baba yi , je kin sun naw! I indulged him a little and I diplomatically answered his questions. After a comfortable 3 minutes of silence I went back to sleep. Just when i was changing gear on my sleep taximan started another conversation. Trust me, I pretended not to hear and closed my eyes hoping he would just sharrap but d man no gree- he nudged me “are you sleeping??” and in my head I’m screaming “whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????? “but in real life im smiling politely in cold anger saying ‘yes I’m sleeping,’ I even yawned for effect but d man mean bizness, he kept on ranting on how oyinbo’s hate blakky’s and all of that and I’m nodding and smiling stupidly...and wondering..Why can’t I just teleport to the airport????
Arrived airport and im eager to leave taximan but he insists on waiting till I board. Okay, thats niceeee...but I didn’t want to continue the conversation. Well I didn’t. Taximan decided to carry my luggage and be looking for passengers he will carry back to town...and I’m freaking out cos im next on the long queue to check in and I can’t find my luggage...hmmm this man don dey make me vex! Finally he arrives in time and I check luggage in.
I’m aboard and I’m fretting- I’m one of those people that have a panic attack when flying... before i entered the plane, I inspected it on the outside, and I’m thinking to myself “did they wash it today?” why is it looking dirty one kind? if outside is not so clean i wonder how the engine will be, did they check the engine this morning? hope the plane is not over loaded? How come the plane can fly so high in the air as heavy and as big as it looks? Yes, I kept asking all these questions. That when I started praying. You know people tend to “born again” when they are travelling, or they redicate their lives to God or to whatever juju that they are serving. I made sure I confessed all my sins, all the sins I’ve ever sinned and I was just saying, God i don’t wanna die today ohhhh. Yes I was freaking out! And i was just really hoping that someday I would be able to teleport!
I awake from my short slumber and I look out the window...and all I can see is water, the Atlantic Ocean. I remember that bad ass joke wey Basketmouth abi na which comedian talk and I gulp in fear. I keep rehearsing in my head how to use a life jacket and I kept wondering why i haven’t learnt to swim after all the lessons my dear friend gave me. I was wondering about the ash cloud and if it has really cleared. I was looking for what to distract me, I no get magazine, my battery was low so i couldn’t listen to some music and the girl beside me was sleeping so soundly. I badly wanted to pull taximan’s stunts on her but she looked tough- I no wan chop slap so I maintain. Suddenly the plane hit turbulence and I screamed “daddy”! ... and all the dudes in the plane were whooping happily-apparently they have been looking forward to it- i bin wan talk say “thunder fire una” but i remember say we dey d same plane ,if thunder fire dem e go touch me too so i sharrap.. I dey shake... I just wanna teleport to my location.....
Finally arrived at my destination and I’m just thinking of how to invent a teleporting pill. Someone should invent something like that so that people like me can avoid all these panic attacks when travelling either by road, sea, or air. We all should be able to teleport!!! Eishhh!!