The Eye of the Beholder...

 I was reading through STING'S blog and she wrote about this chic that decided to go natural whose boyfriend was not happy about it. I nor go lie. If I was a dude and my babe did one kind hair wey make am resemble wetin I nor know. I nor do again! Going 'natural' does not suit everyone. I will not even deceive myself to think it would fit me, that's a risk at this vain point in my life! Mba nu!  I'm too vain for that. Let's flip the coin shall we? Oya just imagine say your guy just come back one day with dada 'rasta' hair! Ras Kimono...ayaga yaga yaga yo!!! If na me, I go run leave am. For what na? Shooo! 

Another issue is weight; Body Magic is not popular for nothing. Many guys just dey hala "Nigerian girls are too lazy", "always blow up especially after marriage", "they always let it go".  It's not like all these men that are complaining have arranged their 6 packs oh...all they have sef is one huge akpu pack! So Johnbull started dating this chic when she was 22 and still okpelenge lepa shandy, fastforward 5 years later after many akpu meals, suya joints and many gbugudu gbugudu romps in the bedroom + contraceptives she goes from size 8 to 14...add the fact say she be 'after 1'. Guy don dey vex. Kilode?

My friend mama joined one Church and believed that she should stop wearing makeup and jewelry. Her husband immediately called for family meeting and all the in-laws had to arrange their sister.  Baba Yari! He also dey para that she's always wearing hairnets in bed...oh' frokomo! (even me I'm #TeamHairnet). If you are married or in a committed relationship you should sha consider your spouse before you change your style and na we women dey do this thing pass. Today you look like Monika, tomorrow you resemble Sandra. Attractiveness is koko in a relationship whether you like it or yes, and manner of dressing, perfume, hair style, make up and weight are components of attractiveness. So if your partner is not 'attracted' to you then you are not #winning oh. Shebi they said beauty is in the eye of the beholder... Who is your Beholder?

The question is sha...does all of this matter? attractiveness? I thought a person's personality was MUCH MORE important than hair, weight, makeup, abi I'm sleeping on okada???


  1. FIRST!!!

    It sure does matter o. "Shebi they said beauty is in the eye of the beholder... Who is your Beholder?"

    That is a very important question people in relationships should be asking each other daily. Since I got engaged, I've started dressing for my spouse and I am loving it big time. She wants a low haircut anytime, I get it done. I mean, I am going to spend the rest of my life with her anyway, so why shy away from it? I want to always ensure she finds me attractive; thus, always tripping just like the first day I swept her off her feet (if you know what I am saying.. *in a pop star voice*) lol

    I like this post sha...
    I dont talk am o.. Me I no dey marry orobo o... *runs away*

    - LDP

  2. Na better okada you dey o and a deep sleep mode you dey. Wetin wan attract you to the personality in the first place? Abi man and woman dey climb bed to gist?

  3. Personality matter but so does the way you look. If the relationship started with you doing certain thing and you decide not to do those things anymore---- your partner has a say o.

  4. No mind us women, how man go get to know your personality. Personality is not written on your face. Men are visual beings. They like nice looking things, just like we like shiny, pretty things. So women keep your self up. Gone are the days of o, I just had a child. The competition on these streets is crazy lol. Seriously, do it for you. That roll around your waistline can not be blamed on your 3 year old child.
    Bikonu, eat sensibly. You are eating for 2 during pregnancy does not in anyway give you the excuse to eat like you are feeding an army brigade in your stomach.
    Take pride in your looks, that does not mean be skinny. Just look presentable. My hair is natural but it is well kept. All the bee hive looking nonsense that natural haired women do is just for the birds. Slap on some cream on your hair and let it stop looking dry and disheveled.
    I want my man to look good, so I get my butt out there and work out and eat well.

  5. O and sorry for the rant, I just had this convo with someone :-p. Love your blog.

  6. Hahahahahahahahahaha You this fine babe,you won't cease to crack us up will you? I like the way you presented the issue though.Some gurls just change styles without considering their partner forgetting that what the partner saw and like was the style he knew.Meanwhile,some guys want their gurls to remain fly and trim when they are not even trying to be in shape.Na only the gurl need to maintain body shape? Mtscheeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww

  7. I so love this post,tell them abeg,most people think that being attractive does not play a part in any relationship,most men see before they pursue.It's not all about you, that is why it is called a relationship.

  8. Looks are probably the first thing that attracts you to your partner in a relationship but are not the only thing. Internal things like personality, morality, integrity, and overall chemisty also play a part.

    Say for instance a women gains weight after having a baby, are you now going to leave her for it? Perhaps she is stressed over her increased responsibility with the baby and household duties and has let herself go. This is when support of the other spouse comes in. After all, we are human beings, not machines.

    Or say for instance your significant other gets a illness or terminal disease that causes then to deteriorate in appearance, will you now run away? Can you truly say you ever loved that person in the first place? Like I said there are more important things in a relationship that satisfying one's ego and insecurities.

  9. It would be nice to say, if you love me, then u should accept me as i am, but it's not always the case cos like u said, no be everything fit everybody.

    I dated one fine boy like this back in the day with curly hair. I like curly hair on guys and that was a main attraction for me with this guy, until he decided to let the hair grow out and stop shaving his beard, na their wahala from start o. He looked like a homeless guy and to be honest, it got to a point where i didn't want to be seen with him.

    So, i think to a certain extent, we should consider our partners. Come o, this girl, what is "after 1?"

  10. So in my opinion, personality matters....a lot. You don't wanna knowingly hook up with a nag or a drunkard/woman beater. But something should attract a toaster first and in most cases, it ain't personality.

    After marriage and esp for the woman, appearance is everything. Like Anon 6:08 said, the competition on the street is fierce.

  11. you are so funny you know that right? As for your question 'who is your beholder?'I dont have right now o! I am still beholding myself i hope to stop soon sha lol.


  13. ok ooo, I'm kinda agreeing with locs galore on this one o! not cos I'm not slim o!*covers face* but really there is so much more to women and men than looks and vanity.

    As much as we want our partners to look good we also owe it to love them no matter what! weight,natural hair, hair nets! by the way, what's wrong with hair nets? So cos we have husband or boyfriend now I let my weave that u did not buy for me tangle? ko jo mehn!

    We all have our insecurities and as partners help one another through such times and dont sit on some imaginary high horse and say things like 'I no fit marry orobo, she added weight,he wears colour riot,he is not stylish enough or stuff like his tummy is too big! Its important to be trim and in shape with a good fashion sense but it is not everything! There is more to life. sisi yemmy I dey love you more everypost o!

  14. So in my opinion, personality matters...a lot. Nobody will willingly hook up with a nag or a drunken woman. But something has to attract a toaster to the personality first and in 8 out of 10 cases, looks are it!

    After marriage however, appearance is everything. Like Anon 6:08 said, competition on the street is FIERCE. But that does mean the woman that got fat after kids should be thrown outta her house or be branded lazy. I was a 10 when I got married. I just managed to fit a few of my size 12 clothes recently o...from size 16. I am far from lazy. But I dont have the luxury of gym time and if I starve from now till next year, size 10 is still long thing {my genes have spoken}. And the truth is that as we grow older, our body metabolism slows down.

    Fat or skinny, dress the body you have. Get ur hair and nails done regularly, smell nice.... Just clean up nicely and he won't stray. Same goes for the guys !

  15. Lmao, hahahaha, ayaga yaga yaga yo, if u're sleeping on okada that okada better get air conditioner because you deserve am. Back to the question, attractiveness matters oh, dnt let anybody lie to you, your partner has to look at you and give props to God. After all na the physical appearance attract you to the person before they come get to know the personality, so that physical appearance has to be intact to keep the flames...hehe

  16. Going natural doesn't mean one has to look like a Rastafarian or whatever. Africans have kinky, curly, textured saying that it wouldn't look good on you is not right. Lol. It's your God-given hair, which grows out of your it will look good on you because it's your hair. You just have to learn to take care of it. I'm a natural myself and I take care of it and give it what it needs. :)

    I think it was wrong of the bf to dislike the choice his gf went for. He should love her no matter what. Right? It's good to please ones significant other...but please yourself and God first.

    As for women who think they can stop caring about their physical appearance...that's just wrong. If you want your man to look good for you...why not do the same?

    Thanks for sharing.

  17. Beauty surely is in the eye of the beholder. The physical plays a major role but we need to be able to put it aside sometimes and focus on the other pertinent things that hold relationships together.

    Btw, I disagree with your statement that going natural is not for everyone.Weren't we all born with it to start with?

  18. First of, lemme explain myself and all these anonymous ish I have been on rampage on for sometime now. I cant log on to my blog while at work hence, gotta use the anon one. I was gonna comment on Sting's but she has no anon space.

    na serious okada u dey on top o..In fact, na correct ibadan okada wey go carry u go oke paadi, agbeni before dropping you off at molete....For qwhat na?! If I met you as a buddhist and liked u, chances are that that is one of the attracting forces.So if after a while you decide that confucianism is the way to go, if that doesnt go well with me, we will have to either compromise or forget about us.

    YY met me as a younglady that fixed her nails sometimes. After a while, he told me he actually didnt like it..Sho! I reminded him sharp sharp that the first day he saw me, my nails were fixed. But even in spite of that, from time to time, I would use colors that I know he likes, just to not "nonsensicate" his feelings. He does the same for me. It is not all my clothes that he likes but I dont wear them everyday. Hair is a more serious matter because as u turn in ur bed, na the hair go first knack your eye. If e nor dey pleasant to the eyes, e go be continual source of "sadness".

    So for the love of Christ..personality dey important but na after you don dey comfortable wit the personality's packaging that u go even wan check am out in the first place.


  19. LOL @the lady changing her hairstyle.

    Re: 'Women blowing up after marriage....' The men are also guilty of this - with their pot bellies; failure to show affection to their wives and putting the needs of their extended family first

    However, I am not excusing a woman becoming 'oroboish' after marriage. It is only fair that we remain 'sharp' so we keep the other interested

    Personality is important but it should come inside a 'container that pleases the eye'

  20. nice post. i think you've said it all. personality matters; attractiveness matters too!

  21. personality na the koko and appearance na im be the 1st thing wey person go see.

    I like your question: "Shebi they said beauty is in the eye of the beholder... Who is your Beholder?"
    When I sabi my beholder, i go inform you.

  22. can I first say thank u, thank u, mwah! LOL..I know you get.

    As for the topic, una don talk am finish.

  23. I think if something puts your spouse off, then why do it? After all, its not like what your partner likes is a sin. There is no benefit in using our own hand to chase our partner away, especially if they met us in some other way.

  24. I totally agree with you....notin to add jare

  25. Personality is important but it's hard to "see" it first. We usually judge a book by its cover o. Although again, appearances can be deceiving...

    As for orobo or no orobo, it goes both ways. Some men also need to work on that pot-belly wey dem get after the comfort of regular meals... And everybody knows it is easier for women to gain weight, though whoever invented that rule apparently forgot me wey been dey look for voluptuousness for a long time now!

  26. sistah, EYE DEY SEE BEFORE MOUTH CHOP, THEN E GO SAY, I LIKE THE TASTE!..i rest my case o!

  27. Wo, put that personality matter for pocket. We're all vain creatures at heart. The physical matters.

    Men like fine things. Women like fine things. THat's probably what attracted y'all to eachother in the first place.

    All that letting yourself go after marriage is just sad cause you're basically getting rid of the person your spouse fell in love with and becoming someone else.

  28. Wo, put all that personality matter for pocket. We're all vain creatures at heart.

    All that letting yourself go after marriage is just sad because you're basically getting rid of the person your spouse actually fell in love with and becoming someone else.

  29. Sis you are indeed sleeping on an

    Yes, personality fact, I always say the content is more important than the container...however, it is the container (looks) that first attracts u, before the content (personality) impresses we should try and maintain whatever it is/was that attracted us to our significant others in the first place (and vice versa).

    Men must consider though, the effects of childbirth, and sometimes, even sex, on a woman's body, as well as effects of contraceptives.

    No matter your body shape/size though, I believe we can still stay attractive to our partners by packaging whatever we've got well, dressing right for our "new" bodies, exercising regularly (*cough*) and eating healthy.

  30. Saying "going natural does not look good on everyone" is just like saying "the skin colour you were born with does is not good enough for you".

    How come nobody ever tells white people that their natural hair looks ugly on them?

    How come nobody ever tells Indians or Japanese or Brazilians that their natural hair looks "one kind"?

    Think about it and you will see how grossly ignorant and self hating that statement is.

    I am yet to find ONE - even just ONE occasion on which somebody told an Indian woman that in fact because she has Indian hair he is thinking about breaking up with her.

    Are Indians better than Nigerians?

    Did God make Indians or Brazilians or White people specially and scraped Africans together from a rubbish heap as an afterthought?

    If you believe that you are equal to an Indian or if you believe that you are equal to a white person then you should equally know that your natural hair is EQUAL to their natural hair.

  31. Hahah!! I love the way you wrote this! Personality is the cake, attractiveness is the icing. And guys are so visual so i don't blame them oh. LOL!! I feel that dude on that hairnet business X_x

    Muse Origins (Creative Nigerian Features)
    Muse Origins

  32. LOL!!

    Babe, I agree with you jare.

    It is important that we put in some effort to remain attractive to our partners, it's only fair really.

  33. Sisi yemie i don miss ur blog true talk u talk for be everybody natural hair dey fit,most especially Men it makes look irresponsible.For example,make i bring my fiance cum house and my parents kon see say my fiance be dada or rasta fellan aba ow dey go see am?irresponsible of course,i just dey gbadun ur blog.

  34. Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder, so if the beholder says 'jump', I'ma say 'how high'! however the beholder should be considerate na! expecting a lady in the street/freak in the sheets/chef in the kitchen/maid in the house/baby-making machine all while keeping my size 10 waist, hair done nails done make-up on point and attitude sweet 24/7 is a bit too much to ask, innit? C'mon, cut the 'beheld' some slack!

  35. lmao@ Akpu pack

    That cracked me up big time

  36. At those that say that one should acquiesce to the desire of their partner's will at anytime without thought, I say that you are with the wrong person.

    There is such thing as a partnership, love and understanding. Compromise is key but it shouldn't come against your own dignity, and this is where love and understanding from your other partner comes in.

    How can I have long hair and decide to go short and rock my natural hair and that make my partner leave? Then I say you never loved me anyway, you loved my image, because if you loved the true me, you embrace change, the only constant thing in life...Oh and ummm it's just hair (smh).

    From many of the comments, it seems that many of us don't know what true love is, you only have some idea of it.

  37. it soooooooo matters, please especially ladies keep up with the sexy looks, its other babes looks that attract your guys to other women. However you look at it physical looks is always the first point of attraction.

  38. it matters!! it matters!! looks matter for sure lol.. it's more than looks sha. I believe people should engage their partners before making such critical decisions.. for wieight! lol.. women just sit down and "don't care" when they have 'put a ring on it..' I don't understand why I won't want to look good for my man.. I want to walk pass and he scream "there goes my baby" lol.... It goes both way, same way, I want my man to look good for me.. I want him to walk pass and scream "that's my man" lol (watched too many movies) look good for me I mean in my eyes.. I HAVE TO BE THE BEHOLDER!! lol for real tho... also I really don't want him getting big, but I believe we can work it together... gym together or encourage, I hate it when it becomes number 1 in a man's mind. that a woman losses weight. There are other ways to show u want them to.. like going to the gym together or sit-ups together... *shrugs*

    and for haircuts, what's wrong with "what do u think about this/that hair cut?" "do you like this" "what do u prefer" atleast two is suppossed to become one. I love to be admired by the right person, if he's loving it (and am comfy with it) am loving it too :D

    lol feels like I wrote my own blog-post on the topic..

  39. lol....funny funny funny and yet true... I also agree with Naija mum's comment.."Personality is important but it should come inside a 'container that pleases the eye'
    We should look good for our other halves, do whatever u need to do to looker a queen for your king...
    Fortunately for me I know how to rock my natural hair in a way that makes people go #Afrochicforlife

  40. Sis yemmie at it again....GBAM!

  41. LMAO!!!!!!!!I clicked here only to get a good laugh!!!I no get comment!!!The end was a riot--sleeping on okada!!!!lol!!!!

  42. It depends on what works for you and your partner. Natural or the other way, I don't mind as long as it looks good. Not all men are the same I must say.

  43. @ Sting...after 1 is after 1 Kid :)

  44. Dearie it matters oooo. Guys are visual beings...they are attracted by what they see, and remain attracted to a large extent by what they see...

    Give em what they want to see...without losing yourself in the process sha ooo

  45. HI Sisi Yemmie!! Love your blog already!!
    I think I'm late but I'll share my thoughts anyways. Why do I sense some hate for the Natural sisters. No offence Anon, you are natural but I still dont feel the respect that natural sisters should feel for each other. Perms are easy yes but should we continue to be in denial of what we really look like? I was permed for 4years and suffered hair loss. Young Nigerian Ladies having no hair line is most definitely not pretty. I've got my fro and I'm loving every sister and Brother who walks up to me and tells me how they love it too. Some tell me I should be on a bill Natural is not that hard all you need is patience and information. Hate it or love it God made you with a fro!! XOXO...


    Ibhade got it. Visuals are every key.
    Sugabelley- I think your comment is a bit off here. The Indian woman who her husbadn met with black 12inch flowing locks, if she wakes up tomoroow, dyes her hair blonde and gets a pageboy, I am sure hubby will complain. This is not about natural hair being ugly. If a chic looks great with her natural hair and rocks it in styles that suit her face, I'm sure her husband will like it too. Yemmie is talkin about a compromise when changing your looks...I have seen Oyibo chics with hairstyles i wouldnt wear for all the money in China


  47. your okada be air-conditioned cadillac okada o!
    People have said it before me. Your personality isn't written on your face. What I have to add is that if you don't like what your partner is becoming, nip it in the bud. Don't wait till s/he gains 30 pounds and start complaining. Sign both of you up for a gym membership, buy running shoes, do something!

  48. this babe! you mouth too sweet. see as you dey blow the thing sef. I agree o. In my view, a person who maintains their outward appearance has self-respect. It's that simple. You may be excused for looking a hot mess if you just had a newborn or surgery or if you're recovering from any kind of life-threatening condition. But otherwise, people need to do at least the bare minimum; keep yourself clean and fresh! nobody likes to sleep with a hobo.

  49. yeah you should consider your spouse but you're also entitled to your individuality. I do think sha if the other person is making an effort, you should too. Else it's just selfish... :-)

  50. LOL! definitely consider your spouse - your examples above are hilarious.

  51. Hello!
    Happy New Year!
    Health, luck and love!


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