Wedding Palava...

'Heysssssss..... sssssss ssssssss' 
I pretend I nor hear and I keep walking...ever so briskly!

One woman shouts in the distance 'call that girl for me, the one wey wear yellow'... A guy taps me on the shoulder...'sist, that aunty dey call you,' he says flailing his arm behind him

I've been pretending I didn't hear her calling me. I turned around with a plastered smile on my face

'Aunty good afternoon', I said  curtsying, 

'ehen my dear, how are you? come and see all of us in this area have not eaten oh'...I glance around and see empty plates of demolished food.

'ok ma I will direct the ushers to you'  I thank her for coming and walk away.These people will not let me be sexy today. With all the gele skentele I tie, they're still disturbing me. Can't they see I am the sister of the bride ni ...

I quickly grabbed one usher, 'abeg you see those women there', I point, 'go serve dem food'
Now let me disappear before som- I did not even finish processing that thought in my head and one iya agba dragged my arms, 'So you cannot greet ehn? abi is this not yemi?'.

 Mo gbe!


'Ah mummy' I said, and promptly dropped to my knees; in this yoruba culture every lady old enough to born you is referred to as 'mummy'

 'ehen, omo dada, omo daddy, o ti jo baba e ju' (you look so much like your dad) she grinned, rubbing my back and the other iya's murmured, some agreeing, some scrutinizing my face...I just knelt there smiling like a rabbit.

'Oya take', and she handed me a huge food flask, 'give it to your mummy, tell her its from so and so ladies club'

'Thank you ma'  I carried myself and the flask wavering slightly because the koi-koi shoe  I wear no let me balance well, all this I'm doing while trying to look sexy in my Iro and Buba. 

Where will  drop this thing, i'm thinking ...

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'I've been looking for you, we are taking the pictures now' my cousin distracts my thoughts, so i kon drop the flask for ground, to go take photo, after all who wan tiff am?

My extended family members don pose na me remain, after the pictures my uncle shouts 'Yemskoko, when are you bringing a man to come and pay your dowry', he said arranging his agbada,
'very soon sir' 

'look at your younger sister getting married ehn, is it when you are 'taty fife' you will now bring a husband', this man serious for this mata today oh...

'uncle very soon', end!

'Ok oh', he grunts and takes his attention somewhere else 'alhaji...eku ojo meta...

Whew...pesin never marry nor be curse oh, I stare at my sister dancing with her husband to D'banj's 'you don make me fall in love' , before I even have the privilege of wallowing in self pity my aunty comes up from behind, 

'Sisi London, what your uncle said is true oh, when are you getting married? abi you want me to introduce you to one fine bobo in my office, I know you will like him, he...' her voice just dey sound like clashing tambourines for my ear. I quickly interrupt her,

 'aunty, mummy is calling me'

'wayo girl, which mummy is calling you? you want to run away, before you go whatt did you bring from london for my children?

'Orisirisi I lied, They're in my luggage', I chuckle. 

'I'm coming to collect it oh' she said dragging her ears...shuo na me born the children? I nor even know how many pikin she get sef. I wink at my bobo in the crowd and signalled him that I'm about to disappear, he promptly got up to come and rescue me, while we were about to leave the hall we are interrupted...

'So why did you not give your mummy the flask?' Ah, this woman again? dem send am come meet me today?

'I- I- I'...I'm stammering...'I gave her naw', I finally said putting my poker face forward. How would she know I didn't give her sef.

'Nibo? Is it not what i'm holding in my hand?' she looks at me incredulously, I look at my bobo, my bobo gazes into the distance...

GBAGAUN!








42 comments

  1. Loolll you can write in pigin oo..funny story, I can imagine how u felt.

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  2. Lol.... Nice....

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  3. Loooooool. ROTFL. I said to myself when I got to that part when you dropped the flask that "I'm sure this woman came back for her" and I was right. No be small thing. I always put on flats immediately I get to a reception I know I will walk up and down. That bit about calling everyone mummy annoys me. Kilode mehn? I know my mother abeg. Lol. We are waiting for your own wedding. *wink*

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  4. FutureMs.T

    buwhahha na real wedding palava!!
    similar tin happened to me at my cousin's wedding.. Jesus! been a yoruba gal is not easy oo. u will just start seeing pple saying all type of disrespectful tins but wu bon u make u complain!
    na wedding u go and fast fast u don become d usher der..lool
    I want to assure u dat u re not alone in this! yes, loads of woman are in the same condition and together we can overcome!! Yes we can!

    am so much loving ur blog more and more.. tho am nt d type dat leaves comment but can't resist not leaving one here :)

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  5. haha, that's why you don't lie to those type of women. Interesting gist!
    curiouskinks.blogspot.com

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  6. lol......naija wadding..not easy at all

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  7. Lol...lol...this is hilarious! Food mata for naija wedding no be small thing o!

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  8. lmao @ 'taty fife'
    naija wedding is just ridiculous

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  9. interesting read SISI.... enjoyed it all through.

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  10. hehehehehe, you never cease to make me laugh! when I go to weddings in Naija, I find one corner corner to sit and only get up when absolutely neccessary :-)

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  11. Really interesting...but wait till you hear my own as bride I was asked about food and as I waS dancing (not dat I can dance sha)with my hubby I was asked about gift for her. Funny thing it was my mum's younger sisters on both occassion. Pissed off was an under statment.9ja wedding no bi here.

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  12. Hilarious! Lovely write. I have tears in my eyes from laughing.

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  13. Hahaha my bobo looks into the distance... Ha! Sisi you three mush jare

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  14. Bwahahahaha!!!

    The only reason I like owambe parties of ceremonies is because of the food...the reason why I hate them is because of all these relatives who are always faking as if they care , always begging to be greeted, always showing that they are 'the most important' person for you to notice...

    LOL...funny story...!

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  15. lmao@wayo girl, which mummy is calling you? you want to run away, before you go whatt did you bring from london for my children?

    The way pple expect "tokunbos" to bring stuff for every Amaka, Asake and Malik en smh

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  16. Pele, it can be very frustrating. Nigerian women and their oju kokoro

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  17. I can't stop laughing.... My cousin is getting married in Oct. Remind me not to attend :)

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  18. You're funny. That was a trip to read.
    http://tobechidaniel.blogspot.com/

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  19. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! @ "Clashing tambourines". Looooool.

    Pele jare. no mind dem.

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  20. lobatan o...it is not easy...I miss Naija wedding sha.

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  21. HAHAHAA... Na serious gbagaun! lol

    - LDP

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  22. Oya Part 2 Installment. sharply.
    I wanna know if they eventually let you escape and what Bourne moves you had to implement to do so. Got me laughing this morning. Thank you so much for that. :))

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  23. lol lol lol! Nigerian parties are a trip. And I thank God I am not Yoruba o - all that kneeling down and calling people 'Mummy' et al for hard me wella. Nice story!

    But how your bobo come do you like that na? Shuo!

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  24. taty fife Though...lmao . Naija weddings and family intros though,dont know about the Igbos but Yorubas,everybody wants to be part of the show..

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  25. As in I pictured the whole thing in my head, you dropping the flask, winking at Yoms bobo etc! very funnnnnny!!!!!

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  26. ROTFLMHO.... No be small wedding palaver my sister.

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  27. Too Too Cool.. u have a new fan *hugs

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  28. Sisi Yemmie! I sent u an email from 'summer.anthem@yahoo.co.uk". No response o abi ko wole ni

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    Replies
    1. Ko wole oh. Did u send it to sisiyemmie@gmail.com ?

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  29. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    omg.....!!!!!sisi yemmie oooooo....
    "se i know how many pikin im born...heheh..."
    no mind them jore
    Gbagaun....u can hear the soundtrack at the background if this was a short movie!!..LOL

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  30. LOL
    You fit kill person
    This is a typical Naija wedding
    I always walk fast and pretend someone older is calling me LOL

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  31. lmao @ taty fife. this is jst hilarious

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  32. lol hahahhaa wehhh.Don't worry on ur day someoda person would suffer the same fate

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  33. Choi! reminds me of a burial I attended. I was in-charge of the drinks. You can guess right, my job role did not last 10 minutes. LOL! Bombardment of the highest order.

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  34. Hmmm..sisi yemi I luv dis story...na real wedding palava. Dis is my first time reading one of ur stories. Kudos

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  35. Holy Mordecai, I could not stop laughing. You have a creatively funny way of expressing yourself. Nice blog.

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  36. hahaha...funny the way it seems like I'm watching a video when I read your posts!
    can't get that 'taty fife' outf ma head...lmao, u are too funny.

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  37. This story is really interesting/hilarious and captures the whole naija owambe scene appropriately

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  38. Lmao!! I literally fell off my seat laughing......

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  39. This totally cracked me up.. Tryin rily hard to compose myself in dis my office that looks like library, everyone can see everyone.
    Nice one dear. U are sooo interesting.

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