IF NA JOKE...

My Friend: So how did you kill that rat?

Me: Na my dog catch am oh

Both of us laugh hysterically…..

My friend: he he he kif kif kif ha ha ha…YOU hehe THIS hehe GIRL snort YOU BE MONKEY OH hehehe…

All I hear is screeching tyres……say whaaaaaat?

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Back to sender, you sef na chimpanzee...taaa!

EVERYDAY FOR THE THIEF...

“Oga nor be me oh! I dey go workshop!! Nor kee  (kill) me oh, na workshop i dey go!!!"

Those were the words that woke me up at 3am Wednesday morrin. I hear gun shot, naim i jump up comot from my bed like one kind agile antelope....i dey look left right.,up, down..who,what, how,wetin???!!! I run go the verandah and what do I see? My parents, neighbours and some unknown men flogging crase comot one guy body. Ahn ahn, this is 3am na, wetin dem dey flog this guy for na? Shooo....the guy dey hala! If evo (evil) spirit dey him body, d tin for don comot that night, even if evo (evil) spirit nor dey, he for confess winchcraft....cos the koboko wey dey wipe the guy ehn...nor be here oh!

What Should He Do?

Well, I was doing some waka jugbe (walk-about) in my area when I stumbled upon this gist;you know how the Bible says that "the footsteps of the righteous are ordered by the Lord...".Yup thats me!LOL. I saw people sitting down and na so this guy kon dey nack tory of him life.

He's married with a daughter, him say nor be say he wan really marry the wife wey he get for house oh, say na cos say she get belle naim everybody join hand for the marriage. He said he even denied the pregnancy sef, but when the pikin was born, she was his photocopy.

Fastforward 2 years later, the wife no kon fit get belle again...her family now took them to the wife's village to meet a jujuman, aka babalawo aka jazzman...the jujuman say make dem pay 70 thousand naira. They agreed to pay and like joke the woman carry belle the next month. 5 months into the pregnancy the jazzman say make them bring 700 thousand naira. Husband say hian! For wia? say make jazzman collect the belle back. My brethren, the next week complication, after complication plagued the pregnancy sotay doctors had to abort it. The doctor said that the fetus was in the fallopian tube and that they they had to cut one of the wife's ovaries. K leg number 1.

The doctor further stated that the woman had just one ovary, make the husband go ask her where the other ovary waka go.  Husband asks wife and she says "i nor tell u before say i do abortion for that my former guy?" apparently, in her earlier abortion, one ovary had been comoted. Anyhow sha, since there was no other choice than to cut the second ovary, they did. Now the woman cannot fit to get belle again. Double K leg! The man says he has told his wife that he wants to find another person to marry and bear him children, but the woman no gree. 

The man kon look my side dey talk say "Ive always liked yoruba girls, and I promise to marry yoruba girl this time, i will take her to America, i will buy her hummer, I will......." Why is this man campaigning in my direction? I was the only yoruba girl dia, I quickly carried myself and my lovely ovaries out of the place....i nor dey for my yam no done.

1st of all, if you cannot marry a person why date them at all? even to the point of pregnancy?

2ndly, why did he go to babalawo? babalawo tins no dey last, dem be like china products.

3rdly, its funny how pregnancies that are denied end up being photocopies of the "Denyee".lol

Abeg my people, what should this guy do?make we try balance this scale.

OMAWUMI IS MY SISTER!!!

Me sef I must claim oh. If you ask me  the beautiful Chocholata  is my 9ja Delta Sisteh!!She's doing such a fantasticbulous job that I cant help but claim and share a playlist!!! And Im also sharing cos na the same language we dey speak...lol....una no hear as the pidgin sweet for her mouth? Abeg, Omawumi is the true star of Nigerian Idols, she delivers! She is truly In the Music.

IF YOU ASK ME




IN THE MUSIC




TODAY NA TODAY




CHOCHOLATA




WHEN BREEZE BLOW

How to tell when your housegirl is about to Yapa!

Nor be small tin! I came home (Nigeria) for a short holiday and my blog-threns, what my eyes have seen so far....kai! I will start with this house-help gist. I met a girl when I came in, she has been working with my mom for about 2 weeks now, she comes in often to help out in cleaning the whole house, my parents are usually home by themselves and they have no energy or time to sweep all the rooms in the house. So my mom got this girl that comes once in a while to sweep, mop, wash dishes and GO! yes GO! But i don dey notice kpe e be like say Babym is trying to Yapa si wa l'orun! These are the signs I noticed:

1. She dey smile too much and laughs for no reason. I like staff that are happy working but abeg, hide that your seductive coy laughter somewhere. Oga ask you "Patience how are you"...and na so she go dey laugh life hyena wey dem totori (tickle)....erm, i dont like it, she gats to go!

2. She don turn the coriddor to her runway. She dey swing and sway around the house. Hmmm...I dont mind her walking, but swaying those okpelenge hips is giving me cause for worry. The way she dey twist ehn...Oluchi dem dey learn for their catwalk.

3. She don dey change cloth too much. New new designs, today na deep V-neck she go wear, 2moro na sweetheart neck she go nack, kon arrange all the bobby(boobs) dem well, she don dey wear only C-thru tops (Egbami oh!) the skirts kon dey short, the jeans don dey tight, i fear for her health cos she must be suffocating in those jeans!

4. She don dey hide things. My dad dashed her money twice because on those occassions she had to do extra mopping, washing and cleaning and said she should show Madam oh. Omobabe did not. Madam confronted her and she gave that coy seductive smile and said..."i forget".Hian! Na so e dey start!Mbanu!

5. Her hairstyles don too current and flexible sef. She go do Rihanna, Beyonce, Boys follow me. Make-up gan don pass House of Tara abi na House of Ayamtanga or Karashika.

6. She came in today with perfume! This is the end of Omobabe in this house. I don tell am make she no come again, Biko her services are no longer needed. Na from clap e dey enter dance!Its goodbye. One has to be careful with these helps, especially the ones that live-in withyou. You have to be very observant...and shine your eye before water go pass garri.

Na-who-give-Ekaette-belle is not our portion!!! Amen!

On the other hand, Hamzat the hausa gateman is a nice boy, he is learnng a word of English per week. This week was Thank you. All he ever says to me is "Abinchi" (food) and Thank you. And smiles. lol. All wedo is sign language....my hands are tired from gesticulating wildly. Only if he had an education....sigh. I will encourage him to learn a trade or do something more than just gate keeping.

Question time: Would you prefer a househelp that comes in only when you need one or one that lives in with you?  and why??