I know its been a minute, nor mind me. Its my dissertation- I nor know who send me go school! Anyways, make we leave school matter for Mathias. Na tory I wan yarn...

I heard of Fake Butt today...not surgically enhanced, but worn like a dress. As in real fake nnnyyyyaaaaaasssssh! Some girl wore it to my friends wedding in 9ja and I sure say all the guys when dey there don swallow spit tire cos they thot she was Ini Edo, Beyonce or Kim Kardashian. Ive heard of the boob thingy girls wear to enhance their endowments...I think I wore it once sef....lol. But nyash own? That na serious matter oh!

Fake eyelash... fake bobbi... fake nails... fake hair...fake eye colour... fake nyash! What is real then?
I was just wondering in my mind how the girl feel when yesterday her nyash be llike slate and then today e heavy like bagco super sack! Like , do you wake up one blessed morning on the right side of your bed and decide "this nyash too flat, make I buy join". Do people really do that? lol.I think they do. Ehen, how do they feel when they walk into a shop to buy one? 
Girl: " Madam abeg, give me one yansh there"...
Madam: " Whish one you want? 'boys follow me' or 'Heavy duty'?
Girl: "Give me heavy duty"... 

.......Errr...is that how the converstaion goes?lol. Buying online will be easier I guess. Who knows, there might be Buy One Get One Free promo as butts come in pairs.lol

However, I have a huge concern here for all those guys who are celebate and into their Jesus (Im into Jesus as well)...the one's that abstain from sex and all those rough play boys & girls go dey play for koro....yes, those 'Christian bros'...how dem wan do now? How do u know if all the endowments Sister Nne has are from heaven? You see sexy looking sister and you feel 'led' to know her better, oya 5 months later una don marry, wedding night you open your present and na kpanla dey dia! Nna, serrrious messup!!! Everlasting F**Kup!(In igbo accent)

I wont lie, I've always wanted bigger bakkassi and there was a time I prayed so much and hoped one day I'd wake up with Omotola's butt (In my teenage years). Alas! It never happened. I still like big butt but Im not going to buy one! C'mon! So today you have a bigg ass and tomorrow when you running late for work, you dont? lol. People will start playing 'spot the difference'  on my borrry? Messup! I still console myself that one day, I fit achieve Omotola's nyash...she has 4 kids, that might be the trick...I'm gonna have four as well!

So whose fault is it that we all want to have big butts? Is it the society  and the media for  barraging us with 'bigger is better' ads and for promoting the notion that big butt is sexy and sexiness must be something that every girl should possess? D'banj nor just even help us with this his recent endowed video...now the common phrase everywhere is 'are you endowed'? All dem MTV videos nor go let us hear word, all the girls are perfect;big nyash,big bobbi, long hair...long lashes, lovely skin colour.  They make it look like if you are sexy as a girl you will always get what you want and get the richest , and finest dudes. Hence the quote that "The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think...."  Perhaps we should blame babes for having low self esteem and not being satisfied with their bodies? Now complements like 'you are really beautiful dont make sense nomore, we want to hear things like 'you are so endowed', 'you are so hot'...'you are so sexy'. 

All these fakeness is really shallow, not necessary and not sustenable cos c'mon, you cant wear that nyansh every day. Wetin! Babes abeg, lets just be who we are. Accept all your comma's.  Let a dude love us for our small nyash, afterall we accept them with their ogor raised to power 10, thier akpu belle and their kobo leg. If a guy feels he was cheated when he married you then he is going to cheat on you Cos all the market when you dey sell na fake. Guys, let this be a lesson for you sha, when next you see babe when set, make sure you really confirm whether she dey endowed tru tru or not -not all that juggles is nyash.


  1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUz51FjnlB0&feature=player_embedded

  2. Lol! I know, right? Fake everything is deceptive. By the time you have off the makeup, the finger nails, eye lashes, contacts, weave, boobs, butt, body magic, heels, the guy would not even recognize the woman he married.

  3. ROTFLMAO....thank God my butt is real and i have accepted my boobs will r small.I like the spot the difference game its fun.:)

  4. Lol this post make sense no be small haha..
    Fake everything o

  5. LMAO. True talk. How do u start explaining if u ever get intimate with the dude? lol

  6. Lol!!!!Na u know jare!!!Maybe the fake junk has some booty enhancing serum innit.Guaranteed extra junk in the trunk after x-years of consistent usage!

  7. When I talk about stuffs like this ... my friends on blogville think I'm sexually deprived!

    Technology,TV, musical videos etc have not helped matters at all.

    We really need to start changing our orientation about these things. Nobody has a perfect body! God help us all!

  8. LMAO, not all that jiggles is nyash. I have to use that somewhere. I really wish there was a 'diary' of a nyash wearer, so we could check if she's ever forgotten to wear her nyash cos she was late to work. LOL.

    Only you...

  9. ROTFLOL...as in...chick you wan kil person. LMAO, not all that jiggles is nyash. I love your blog no be small

  10. Not all that jiggles is nyash! Lol.. Hilarious!!

  11. looooooooooool. I was at a boutique when a young lady actually came in and asked for nyash, pronto, they brought them out in sizes. Serious something oh. Really nice read. Good way to end a hectic day.

  12. You are a fabv blogger..great lil peace - screw the fake nyash jor! Sage the poet

  13. yemmy u just nailed it der.. all dem guys lookin 4 big karkah bi warned. BUT MI AM WELL ENDOWED no b fake... lmao

  14. Yemi, u no go kill person with laughter. A friend once said and I couldn't contain my laughter, "Men lie with their mouth while ladies lie with their entire body"

    When it's big, you are not sure whether its real or fake. When its small, you don't know what will happen to it tomorrow. lol. I have always asked one question sha.. whether the backside if big or small, whats the difference? Maybe cos I am not yet married sha but seriously, can anyone help answer?

    One thing I know sha is that I do not like my woman being starred at as a sex object whenever she appears. I don't want her to be a distraction to other men. So, I've always prayed for a lepa shandy, Le petite lady and God answered my prayer. lol

    - LDP

  15. LOL..this was toooooo funny!!! you got me laughing hard!

    but you are right..so many fake girls out there...

    first time here and loving it...

  16. you r a trip! funny, interesting and thought provoking. its serious issue tho, the shallowness that abounds nowadays is mind boggling.

  17. I was into lingerie sales some years back so I know about the fake butt. LOL @ the conversation when someone wants to buy one.

    As for the Christian brothers, they do not need to sample to confirm. First of all, if they are going after a woman purely because of her physical, they have the wrong motives. No doubt that there must be physical attraction, but they should know that after 30 years of marriage, that woman will not be the same physically. 30 years is too far sef. Secondly, a true Christian brother will be "led" to his wife.

    You sef, you are so funny...lol @ "If a guy feels he was cheated when he married you then he is going to cheat on you cos all the market when you dey sell na fake..." Babes, take note :-)

    Take care dear.

  18. Pyscho sista who speaks the truth!
    You're extremely hilarious!

  19. I totally agree with this post! We live in a world where we are constantly being told that we aren't ENOUGH or that we are TOO MUCH so some people feel they need to add more to their bodies are subtract some of themselves away...it is terrible. The media should spread a message of self-love and self-acceptance instead of all this garbage! My butt is not big, but I am okay with that! People tell me I am supposed to have a big butt because I am a Naija girl, I just laugh and say no no no no no sweetie, I am supposed to be BEAUTIFUL because I am a Naija girl and I AM BEAUTIFUL, flat butt and all :)

    feel free to check out my blog:

  20. 'Big' stands out!

    Really funny post. Love your blog.

    Taciturn Turned Talkative

  21. Lollllzzzz.....sisi yemmie!!! U won't kill me. Nice article, ladies u nid to be proud of what u've got if not it means u're telling God He didn't do a gud job. Be thankful for d small, medium, flat, heavy duty nyash wy u get. At least u have somrthin behind.....lolllll

  22. Lolllzzzz....sisi yemmie!!! U won't kill me, nice article. But chics shaaaa! Evrything na fake evn to ur butt, so what then is natural?? Well, I think we should love ourselves for who we are cos d way u see urslf matters a lot. If u think u're not beautiful enuff cos u aint got big butt den no guy will like ur flat ass. Ladies....learn to love ur body d way God created u or else dt means u're telling him he didn't do a great job. No matter how u fake it...u can't make it cos it'll neva be real. Learn to appreciate ur natural endowments....

  23. Laughing Seriously!!! Haa, ive been away for too long! U never fail to crack me up.......ure priceless!

    True yarn all da way.....we should accept our bodies the way they r,Lord knows i woulda wanted sum parts different but ive learnt to say...'if urs r different(bigger/smaller) than mine, they r too big/small. Mine r just perfect for me!' E.O.D.

    U rock u know.

  24. ROTFLMAO!!
    Oyh my goodness, you have killed me wit lafter! Haba!

    Shey na like dis you dey dey?

    but on a serious note...fakeness is becoming the order of the day! But yemmie...u too funny sha!

  25. Lol! Too funny and too true. And interestingly enough there was a point in the late 90s I think when big butts were not cute. I wonder who changed it. Anyway I'm not bothered by them things women need to draw a line. And they wonder why they broke too..Abi that's why they need rich husbands? To keep up all the fakeness. But that's just me...

    Much Love,

  26. hahaha....dont mind them

    I like my flat arse just as it is...no controversy!!! Flat arse rocks

  27. oh my! all for the sexy looks, serious marra! i hope they don't come to heavy.

  28. na wa ooo, u r soooo funny...

    Well, d christian guy doesn't have to sample anything cos he'll be going against his xtian values by dat. If he really followed God's will for him, then there's nothing like disappointment.

    Also, most guys will tell you, the physical specs of a woman is not what makes dem settle down wit her, its just d beginning of d whole thing. So all dem fakers are just wastin their time, its not what lands a woman a good husband.
    Character does d work

  29. looooooool; I love this one please help us preach it lol..
    It's good u can pass ur message across with good humor

  30. lol,so true wit the packaging women do to keep body and soul going.Ikechukwu and Dbanj don talk am say efi oje le,e ye fi oje je wa mon.not everything that is in is CHIC sikena.

  31. Great blog, how about links exchanging? Please contact me asap, Thanks.

  32. This is a really serious issue. And it’s all because objectification of women on media, and even around us. Women now feel they need to be bigger in some areas. Especially with all these music video, with women wearing skimpy clothing and the singer singing about her body...there’s more to a woman than her body. This kind of thing lead to women feeling dissatisfied with their appearance


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