THIS SH*T MATTER!


*ignoring cobwebs* . How's everyone doing? Long time no gist, but today gist don come on gistdotcom! I went to 9ja over the weekend for my lovely friend's wedding...it was beautiful I tell you, but that is not today's gist! Immediately I landed,  I fished out the list of meals I wanted to have (as usual). Mind you, wetin happen to me in my last post HERE was all about food during my April trip. This is  fresh gist from a fresh trip. It is apparent that I have longer throat! 

I was just branching all the boli selllers, roasted corn, sharwarmar (tasted dodgy but it is still shawarma). I had Kuli Kuli and I topped it up with dankwa. That was Day 1. Day 2, I chop suya, goat meat peppersoup, 2 big nylon bags of boiled groundnut, gala, fan yogo and had some more kuli kuli and bottled fanta  to wash it down. These were just appetizers oh. 


Day 3 I go Wuse market to make my hair...all the women just dey hail me, "fine aunty... sweet sixteen... my colour, abeg make i do your hair"... I know they probably say this to everyone but trust me, my case was different as I was looking fresh and janded that day. I dey form butty (what am I sayin? I am butty jor!). I finally selected the most persuasive lady and I peeped to make sure her armpit no dey smell, nothing worse pass armpit stench from your hair dresser.

2 hours into my hair and e kon be like say some people dey dance windeck inside my tummy. Who's in there? I ignored it. Few minutes later I begged one smally to go and buy me flagyll, Oh baby don dey sweat! 2 tablets of flagyll later and I felt I was about to explode! I took 2 more. Oh boy! The overdose did not werk!  'I can't sh*t in this market oh', I thought to myself...I frantically looked around while commanding the heavenly hosts to calm the raging storm in my belly. I even went the superstitious way...I rubbed a bit of sputum on my pompoo aka belly button. *covers face* oh-yes-i-did. 

Brethren! Nor be clear eye I use run inside one toilet like that! Ah! I ran and dropped my phones and every item I had on me on the floor. As I reach the gate of the toilet one lady said "aunty, na 20 naira to piss and 30naira to shit"...I pushed her out of the way with one hand while the other was on my bum and yelled get out of the way my friend! Na 30 naira we dey talk here?! I will not disgust you further with details of my escapades in that toilet...this was the summary: "prakatabgoogboomfiiiiiisssssssssprrrrrrrrrrrrr..." and there was silence. After 10 horrifying minutes I was calm and that was when I noticed the yamayama building I was inside sef. As I stepped out, I payed the lady 200 naira...for the harassment. Diarrhea is no respecter of age, class, sex...

Who say fine girl no dey sh*t?!!! *covers face*






58 comments

  1. ROTFLMFAO...Sisi Yemmie! Na wa oh. It its too early in the day. Its only 5am here and im sure i've awaken my entire neighborhood laughing lol. Montezuma's Revenge don catch you.

    *because you made me laugh i'll ignore the fact that you've neglected us for so long*

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  2. Oh my daze. ..she is back!

    Why would you use flagyll in a public place and overdose for that matter. Lol. Thats real hilarious.
    Don't worry jare, u only went to answer nature's call. ;-)

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  3. yem yem! am still laughing so hard that my eyes r soaked with tears. shit fit disgrace person anywhere anytime ohhh! bhurr ur experience is so damn funny. lol.

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  4. LOL LOL..ha diarrhea is no respecter of anyone oh..chai....na becos of this i no dey chop before i go interview or going faraway oh..u never know wetin dey wait u...lol nice post

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  5. ROTFLMAO YEMI you will not kill us one day with laff. This is why I like to do my hair at home.

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  6. Buahahahahahaha!

    This babe you don't send at all o. See as you just dey expose your self.

    By the way, i'm very sure it's not the Chicken Capitol that i sent you to that served you the 'dodgy' Shawarma abi? Them no fit fall my hand like that now.

    Flagyll sha, na you do yourself. : D

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  7. Sisi Yems! Norrin do you o jare...Diarrhea is really no respecter of persons. I can imagine the Pope in his flowing regalia, driven in the thick bushes of Africa...and 'it' hits him. He yells to the driver...Park!!! and in his full glory, steps out of the car & lifts his flowing gown...the rest is history. Lol!!!

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  8. oh girl "dats real disgusting ...eeewwww!!!"...lol dats me forming butty...but factually talking shit matter no be small thing ooo...rubbing saliva on the belly button?dats the first time i'm hearing that one oooo...

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  9. You!!!!! And they thought they shit that happened in the movie 'Bridesmaids' was fake. dem never see diarrhoea in action. The fear of dodgy food is the beginning of wisdom jare.

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  10. LWKMDFHO. Shit nor dey respect person at all. Thanks God you made it before the explosion, if not your ajebutter certificate don burn be that. Hilarious read as usual. Good job.

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  11. ROTFLMFAO! Yemisi ooo!!! Hahahahahahahaha!

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  12. lwkmd you no go kee me hehe

    Descriptions are over vivid, I felt like i was there with you (ewww)

    lol good to have you back on blogsphere

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  13. *teary eyed rolling*. mbanu diarrhea no dey look face. Dis was hilarious! lmao.

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  14. ROTFLMAO...walai!! u no dey hear word! hian!!!
    U nor sabi b4 then say shit dey blind? hin no dey look face o...LMAO

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  15. LOL!!! You're back! Welcome back Sisi Yemmie. You sure did make me laugh with this hilarious post. I hope to read more post from you soon.

    foreversweetlybroken.blogspot.com

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  16. ROTFL!!!!
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
    You're three much sef!!!
    Ha!

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  17. LWKMD......HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. you this lady hennnnn. lol.
    You ate all those things sha, sure the diarrhea was well worth it jor.

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  18. lol, not a respecter at all... nothing else matters moments like that. fine girl or big man, you gats to do what you gats to do as fast as you can :)

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  19. OM to the F'ing Geee... u are too freaking hilarious.... i swear, i wonder if you are this hilarious in person.... though, one truth is universal, at least once in our life, we have all shitted on yourselves. lol.

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  20. lmfao!!! kai sisi Yemmie, you wont kill me!

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  21. Hahahaha... oscof na. Shit no send anybody oo. This made my day. Hilarious!

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  22. KAI! You no go kill person with laugh! LOL! Welcome to Naija all the same.

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  23. haahhahahaha!!!! o my daiz! that's too funny pele oh!

    it is not an easy something for that kind of shit to catch some1 in a public grosss place I feel for u sha... I bet the woman kept the tip lol


    haha too funny

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  24. Oh My Lawd! You are hella funny!

    Been checking this space for a while..glad ur back...

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  25. Haha... That must have been some experience! Abeg, next time, send smally buy you Imodium/Colodium. Overdose dey give instant constipation. *suppresses laughter at imagery*

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  26. LWKMD....Shit business is indeed serious business!

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  27. LWKMD, this is my first time to comment, but i follow you often. Shit business, hmmmmmmm, let's not even go there at all. Pele jare, it happens to us all.


    naijabankgirl.blogspot.com

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  28. LMAO!!! u just had to share this gist. hope u didnt catch any toilet disease sha :|

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  29. LMFAO with each line i read i was just imagining the whole scenario.see what longer throat can do to you.lol this is hilarious.

    Fine girl dey shit sha.

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  30. LOL!!! kai something like this has happened to me in the bus that i stopped at a random bustop and ran to a fast food to use their toilet..Looool

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  31. WOW. this had got to be your best comic relief yet. p.s. I can see that they have increased the price for using public toilets *ahem ahem*

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  32. I must confess, no be you I pity, it's the poor toilet...
    Wuse market sha, I can't shout.
    LOL!

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  33. lwkmd...........you and food sha.
    welcome back

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  34. First time on this blog and I'm laughing with tears from my eyes. I can identify with this experience. Its happened to me before.LOL!

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  35. lmao...kai sh*t no dey look face o...how flagyll wan work , when the thing don process finish? hehehe.

    Oh my!!!!

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  36. lol... i feel you, happened to me in yaba market before (would av given all i had that day to just get some form of relief)

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  37. hehehehehehehe my sister, shit or dey fear face! the thing don catch me inside that same wuse market and i sure say na the same toilet i enter cos dem charge me extra

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  38. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha You did gurl,you no go kill me.Eh ya,sorry ehn! Na because all those things no dey readilly available na im make you just dey download like that.Anyways,hope you enjoyed your brief stay in 9ja sha? Meanwhile take this *throws shoe at her* That's for making us wait this long.

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  39. * Rolling on the floor* You are really hilarious.

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  40. lol @"commanding the heavenly hosts to calm the raging storm in my belly"

    who talk am say fine chics no dey shit? abegi, shit bizness na real bizness!!!

    nice one dear, i admire your high sense of hunmour...thumbs up, again!

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  41. lol @"commanding the heavenly hosts to calm the raging storm in my belly"

    who talk am say fine chics no dey shit? abegi, shit bizness na real bizness!!!

    nice one dear, i admire your high sense of hunmour...thumbs up, again!

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  42. lol @"commanding the heavenly hosts to calm the raging storm in my belly"

    who talk am say fine chics no dey shit? abegi, shit bizness na real bizness!!!

    nice one dear, i admire your high sense of hunmour...thumbs up, again!

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  43. ROTFLMAOLWKMDLMAO. Sisi Yemmie you're too muSh. Yes ke, diarrhea is no respecter of person. Pele. All those things are yummy sha and a little diarrhea doesn't kill anybody (or does it? I no know jare) anyways....... *stern face* young lady, where have you been? Don't try this nonsense again o or else...... Good to have you back Hun

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  44. lwkmd o! still tryna catch my breath. my boss don dey look me. u will not kee sombory.
    so dat sputum on d navel eh? never heard it b4 sha. Shit biz is really serious biz o.
    wat i would not give to have dankuwa right now #sigh

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  45. OMD! Now this is a good comeback...can't stop laughing. Sisi Yemmie! I can't imagine what it was like...kai! SHiT mat nor be small mata jare..... Welcome back dear

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  46. I know dat feeling...de one wey sweat dey catch u even inside AC...kai, I pity u o! Welcome back luv. don't disappear again, ok?

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  47. LWKMD.....TRULY NA SERIOUS SHIT MATTER, BUT WHY YOU SEF NO USE ANDREW LIVER SALT THE NITE BEFORE?

    http://praizhouse.blogspot.com/

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  48. LOOOOL!!!

    Shit respects no one.

    But good food must be eaten.
    I am a regular customer of Immodium and have trained my stomach in the fine arts of resisting poo.

    You shall learn too.

    I salute you.

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  49. LWKMD! I get the entire situation hands down! ur own bera, e happen when u fit run, if e catch u inside night bus from lagos to onitsha with the driver telling you that 'nothing can make him stop', then u will really understand the superiority of diarrhea

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  50. Buahahahahahahaha. I', very late but pele dear.

    Mehn, when next you're home you need to invest in those women that come to your house to make hair. It's expensive but the comfort is well worth it.

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  51. Lol! I can't believe I'm only just seeing this!!

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  52. You're absolutely hilarious!!! You've just earned a new follower, and a place on her blog roll.

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  53. laff wan scatter my weave on o!

    http://efemenaoreoluwa.blogspot.com/2011/06/scandal-in-blogsville-treating-latest.html

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Your comments are like delicious grains of jollof rice to me: please feed me! Send me love mail sisi@sisiyemmie.com / Official business@sisiyemmie.com

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