Sunday, January 20, 2013

I'M NOT HUNGRY!

I remember when I was a smallie…I did something bad and my mama flog me. After flogging she now said I should go and eat. Eat wetin? For my mind I said I will show her pepper, so I said what any angry (deranged) person would say…

'I'm not hungry'

For my mind I dey feel say e go pain her…but I was hungry men. The lions and hyena's in my tummy were already screaming and insulting me, but I lock up. I bone. 

If you have to get angry, do it well. 

So I went inside my room picked up a book and started reading…. the words became hazy and I suddenly felt like the earth was spinning aha, but I kept my focus and kept reading. 2 hours later I have not turned the page, I was reading. Well, I wasn't. My brain don hang.



Then I started strategising ...how I was going to go to the pot of soup and take small when everybody don sleep. Of all days for people in my family to stay up late it was this one. There's no way I will cross from the room to the kitchen without anyone seeing me. No, I cannot fall my hand. I must vex all night long to prove my point. If I want to be a gordon's I should even refuse breakfast, after all, my mates in somalia have not eaten for 6 days and den never die…'no, you can't die immediately from hunger', I reasoned, 'you go first thin for like one week before the hunger go kill you BUT by then my mother should have realised her mistake and begged me to eat'! At this stage I'm not sure what point I was trying to prove.

O'boy… how many dots dey this my ceiling sef, I started counting. I've never noticed this ceiling before. Interesting. And I've lived here for 14 years. Hmmmm…. *counting* 1, 2, 3,4,5,6,,8,9,11,15,18,…3,6,4…oh where was I again? This counting is confusing me. "No fool" my stomach hissed, 'you're killing me'!  This hunger is doing me strong thing, its like I'm about to faint….I'm getting dizzy…I think I can actually see stars. I'm not joking I can see stars! Ok, I'm getting delirious with hunger…I heard my father's footstep as he locked the doors to the house and retired for the night. 

ALLELU!

I tiptoed like a cat, gently…gently….3 more glorious steps and I'm in the kitchen….the animal kingdom in my stomach were rejoicing because the kind of sounds that was coming from there nor be small. Immediately I wan pass the dinning table I freeze…I saw plate of food there covered…'what is this food doing here...'? Before I could even complete my thoughts my mother arrived in the doorway and said… 'you better eat before you die of hunger. If you wan vex you can vex but make sure you eat that food'.

Damn!

I don't know if it is hunger or humility that made me sit transfixed to swallow the eba I was trying to vex not to eat. That day I learnt one lesson sha…. NOT that mothers are kind. (They're angels actually)

I learnt : That who dey vex, dey see road. Don't vex and refuse food because you need to food to fuel the anger! This is why I feel sorry for men who refuse to eat their wife's food to show her 'pepper'…. OYO! 

When you dey vex you dey chop? I want to know how angry you guys get.


49 comments:

  1. Hahahahahha interesting

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  2. Hahahahha hilarious. When I'm very angry I actually lose my apetite, can't swallow even if I try. I just take a nap lol

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    1. When i'm angry, I'm still hungry! lol. Makes me angrier!

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    2. Same here o, lol. I lose my appetite, get hungrier and angrier. These days my vex nor dey last cos really, what's the point. It's too much work, lol

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  3. Angry o, sick o, depressed o, I eat. I no dey joke with food abeg. My size 14, 1.53m height in 65kg body is a testimony. Alleluuuuu, Alleluyahh!

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  4. bwahahahahaha, i used to do that as a kid too. hunger always wins out before mama realizes her mistake tho lol

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  5. When I was small too, I did that a lot. I'll get angry and refuse food, then start walking aimlessly in front of my mother so she can say "have u eaten?"
    "No" I would reply
    "My friend, if you don't go and eat that food I will give you mark!"
    Na that time I go grumble go chop food, chop like 2 portion.
    When I was like 14yrs, I tried it for the last time, I vex refuse chop. Walked and walked in front of my mother, she didn't say pim! Not one single thing, I ended up eating cold rice around 1am.
    Since then, if my mama vex me, food na the first thing wey I go chop (I believe that would pain her more).

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    1. ha ha ha....yes! eat! Na dat one dey pain pass!

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  6. No matter how angry I am,I always eat oh

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  7. Funny...I still do it till tomoro but dats if am very angry, food is d last thing I will think of

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    1. ha...me i go chop oh. Hunger is not a respecter of persons

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  8. Lol.....i also did dat.....not that my mum realises. She probalky did but chose to ignore me.

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  9. very interesting.nice one

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  10. As a child I used to do this as well, until I learned how to really show my mother that I was angry. I sat down one day and thought, "If I don't eat, this woman will actually save money from not feeding me. If I have to show her that I'm angry and 'punish' her for making me upset, then it would cost her and she'd lose, right?" That was how I started eating all the food I could find. Even the one I could not finish, I would carry it to my room and keep till I could eat it or throw it away. At least, if it's in the bin, nobody will eat, right? In my head I thought I was doing her bad, until I remembered that my mother mostly eats garri and any soup she's kept in the freezer. Fear wouldn't let me go near that one because I knew how much effort went in all the soups my mum would make, plus all the meat inside, I wouldn't dare try it. So of course I lost in the end. -_- My mother only did food shopping weekly so I really regretted throwing away all that food as I didn't have much left to eat, especially as I never liked eating garri.

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    1. lmao! you started eating all the food in the house???? omg !!!

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  11. Hahahahahaha. Glad to know i wasnt the only that "manifested" this kin foolio!

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    1. lmao.... it would be interesting when our kids start doing it!

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    2. @Sisi Yemmie, it will be Karma. By that time we'll start praying for divine intervention, and God will be doing ntoin for us, lol

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  12. When I'm angry I don't eat much but I make sure I take something.

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    1. ha ha ha Myne! you take "something"...lol thats not proper anger!

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  13. Nice read as usual. Try get other bloggers with your previous link in their blog to update it with the new one ;)

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    1. Thanks for bringing it to my attention! mwaaah!

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  14. I used to do this when I was much younger...refuse eating that is to punish my mum...but it was because I knew that my dad always had my back. I would make sure he knew that I had nt eaten and often ended up secretly drinking malt and eating bread. Thinking back now, I suspect she eventually caught on because at a point she stopped bothering herself over whether or not I had eaten.

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    1. thats the way... Malt and bread saves lives! lol

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  15. See hunger wan finish you that day

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  16. ROTFLMAO. Like the fact that you didn't lie to yourself. Me I can't vex and kill yourself oh. BTW, anger on an empty stomach is even a medical blunder. So, ....


    But, the not eating your wife's food is easy na. Just branch at a joint en route. *Dodges flying eba*

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    1. Ha!!!! If my husband decides to vex, he must vex inside that same house oh. No going out!

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  17. Ahahaha, "Then I started strategising ...how I was going to go to the pot of soup and take small when everybody don sleep." That was me alright!

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  18. Sisiyemmie!!!! At last, I have found your blog. I embarked on a mission to keep track of my blog followers, and you were one of the first 3 followers I had when I first started blogging, but I always met with a brick wall until I saw your comment on someone's blog-can't-remember-who, and now, I am here.

    I have laughed so hard this night at this hilarious account of something which most people did as children. That was truly a sign of childishness and some men continue this with their wives, lol. My father used to say, and still says that no matter how upset my mum makes him, he must eat o, because he provided the money for the food, hahahahahaha. I have never seen him refuse food o, and thankfully, my hubby has not rejected my food yet, no matter how upset he gets. I enjoyed reading this thoroughly. I will be back often to visit. Well done.

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    1. awww thanks for reading and commenting. And to think that some men do this! such a shame!lol. I'm going to visit your blog!

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  19. lmaoooo omg....we all did this when we were kids.....its nice you reminded us about our childhood. :)

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  20. that is so fuuny,no matter how angry my husby is he always ask for his food by text or ping but if i dey vex i cant go without eating cause am so sure husby will come and back me to eat in order not to fall sick

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  21. LMAO.....this got me laughing...totally can relate to this! teenage-hood!





































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  22. Sisiyemmie you are clown

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Your comments are like delicious grains of jollof rice to me: I need a lot of it to fill my plate, please feed me! ! ! You can send me an email sisiyemmie@gmail.com I love feedback!